Thursday, January 1, 2009

The new year!!!!

Wow I can not believe we are already in to 2009, what happened to the time. I have been through alot this past year and have learned some very valuable lessons from them. There were so many that I thought I would share the most proament one. Earler this past year I found our that I was preganet and was so very excited as to the fact that I have had miscarrages in the past. My husband Jeremiah and I were so excited but also nervous to tell any one because of our earlier experances. Everthing was looking good I was almost over the 1st tramaster hump and then it all stared alover again. We went in for the ultrasound ( mind you I have early ones because my history) and we got to see the baby. :) But had to come back for some more tests the next week and another ultrasound to find the due date. We went in and I already knew something was wrong, and found out that God wanted to take our perfect baby home to be with Him along with his other siplings. I of course was devstated; even now it is hard to post this with our crying and shaking.

I found out the hard way that even though you dont actually give brith to a baby you can still go through post pardum. Only I did not know at the time that I was going through the post-pardum. I just thought I was a horrible person for all the horrible thoughts I was having. ( let me say I thought that is was as bad as this. ) I have a new found respect for those who have gone through this. I am greatful to God to have experianced this depression as I would not have been able to help some ladies in my Sunday School class with some of the same issues. Dont get me wrong I am human and I have had my days of pitty for my slef, but looking back at this past year I know that I will someday see, hold and touch the babies I have not been able to see, hold, and touch on this earth; but I will in turn see them in heaven.
I do think of them often and how they will look and feel and sound like. But that is only one of the many reasons to only want to go to heaven even more.

God has truly blessed me with much more than I could ever even imgain, and I dont want to dwell on the negative in life. The Bible say that it rains on the just and the unjust. And nothing has happend in my life that God has not had veto power over. I only want to be what He wants me to be and needs me to be. Until then I am only living for me I dont want that to happen. I want others to see Christ in me and want to come to know Him.
I know that in His time He will give me the baby that I so despreatly long to hold in my arms and call mine. But until then I want others to see Jesus in me .

Above all the resaloutions I have made for 2009 this is the utmost prayer that I have is that others would see Jesus in me. That I would be the servant that God needs me to be and not worry what others think or say about me. I just want to please Him. God says draw nigh to me and I will draw nigh to you. ( well that is really bad paraphrasing.:( )

To all you who have ever lost a loved one please dont despaire God is there to hold you up ......if you let him. Let your friends help you in your tough times, they give encouragement that now one else can give. Thank you to my good friend who loved me in the even unloveable times and let me figure out who I would become through all this. Thank you...... I love you!!!!


  1. Don't know if you were ever "unloveable." :) I am praying for you in this new year and am hoping and desiring that this is the "year of the baby" for you!

  2. Rachel, I am so glad that you have a blog. I love reading blogs!I will be praying for you this year.